I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
