she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize