you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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