Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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