the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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