I wish you could order shots online.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
