I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
