She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
