you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
