he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
