i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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