i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
