:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
