Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
