please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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