Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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