For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize