hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
