i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
