So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize