And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently you make a good broom.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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