Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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