My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
