I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just gift wrapped bread.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
