I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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