They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
