Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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