So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
