I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i drank out of a bidet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
