Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
