two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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