I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize