I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
