i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
