She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
