summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
