I CAN MOONWALK!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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