hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
