she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
