he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
