hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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