There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
