Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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