dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
