no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sober January is a disaster.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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