I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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