went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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