I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
