we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
