btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
