You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
