Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
