I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
