If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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