Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
