careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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