We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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