i'm signing you up for texting rehab
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they're like a gay fantastic four
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
