You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
