I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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