He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
