no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
