you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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