All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
