I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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