so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
