so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
