Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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