I skipped work to stalk him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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