8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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