Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
