i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
