Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize