I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize