Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My vagina is very pro this idea
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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