So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
