When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize