I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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