Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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