Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
