Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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